This past weekend I took a small group of youth and adults from FBC Tucker to Disney World for the Faith in 3d conference. Yes, we got to spend 3 days park-hopping, but we also spent those days fellowshiping and worshipping with 1500 youth and adults. The theme of the weekend was "Imagine, Create, Animate."

Saturday night's worship proclaimer was Mark Yaconelli.

Mark is a giant in the world of youth ministers and I have grown to really admire his teaching methods and his ability to tell stories and connect through preaching. (I strongly recommend hisbook Contemplative Youth Ministry ----> you should buy it)

One thing he said this weekend was so simple, yet so profound.

"Christianity is not about beliefs and doing good, it's about being alive, being able to dance and being able to mourn"

Now, of course, Christianity is by definition a religion that is structured in what followers of Jesus believe and do. But, that is not what I wish to discuss in this post.

Christianity is about being alive. Jesus came to give us life. This life should be full of dancing and mourning as Mark suggests. Today at FBCT we had the pleasure of hearing Dr. Nancy deClaissé–Walford, one of my professors at McAfee. She is leading our "Lunch on Main" Bible study for 3 weeks and teaching us about the Psalms. Today we talked about Psalms of Lament and focused on Psalm 13.

To the leader. A Psalm of David.

How long, O Lord? Will you forget me for ever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I bear pain in my soul, and have sorrow in my heart all day long? How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?

Consider and answer me, O Lord my God! Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep the sleep of death, 4 and my enemy will say, ‘I have prevailed’; my foes will rejoice because I am shaken.

But I trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, because he has dealt bountifully with me.

I agree with Dr. deClaissé–Walford who said "we (the Church) have forgetten how to lament." There are more Psalms of lament than Psalms of praise, so lamenting must be important.

This Psalm begins with a cry to God--"how long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?" We have all felt this cry deep within us, but are often afraid to speak these words to God. We mourn deep within and we fill as though God is far away and does not care about our situation. The Pslamist gives us freedom to mourn, freedom to lament, freedom to say "GOD, WHERE ARE YOU!?"

Yet, Psalm 13 ends recognizing that God is eternally faithful and God hears our cries. "my hear shall rejoice"--my heart shall DANCE--"in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, because he has dealt bountifully with me."

Be ALIVE. Dance. Laugh. Sing. Mourn. Weep. Lament.

Cry out to God, yet rest in God's tender mercy, amazing grace, and unfailing love.

I will dance and I will mourn, because God became alive in Jesus Christ and lives in me through the Holy Spirit.

I am alive. I will dance and I will mourn.

One more...

One more. One more semester. One more first day of class. One more set of syllabi to read and dread the work within. One more amazon.com order of books. One more.

To quote one of my all-time favorite movies, Home Alone, “This is it. Don’t get scared now.”

My parents have a picture of me in the driveway of the Mount Hermon Baptist Church parsonage at Route 2, Box 37, Danville, VA, 24540 taken September, 1992. The picture is of me flexing my muscles, ready to tackle the challenges of the day. Kindergarten. The first day of school. Monday, January 9, 2012, I will flex my muscles one more time, but this time at 3001 Mercer University Drive, Atlanta, GA 30341. One more.

Edgewater High School, May 2005. Samford University, May 2009. McAfee School of Theology at Mercer University, May 2012.

One more. 20 of my 25 years (come May) have been spent in school—Learning the alphabet, learning to read, learning to add, subtract, multiply, and divide, learning to raise my hand to speak, running the mile and seeing how many pull-ups I could do, learning algebra and geometry, biology and chemistry (well, at least I passed that class), learning history and government, learning how to write research papers, learning how to balance debits and credits, learning about theories and theologians, learning how to prepare and preach a sermon, learning how to exegete, learning my social location, learning the about church fathers, and the leaders in history of the church, learning stages of faith, learning how to listen, learning how to love, learning how to serve. 20 years. I have learned how to learn and am grateful for all the teachers, coaches, and professors that have taught me.

I am excited for the end of formal education. I am ready not to have to write papers, study for exams, not read pages upon pages for class after class. I am not ready to leave a place that I truly love. I am not ready to leave people whom have become family. What’s next? What does the future hold? Where will I be this time in a year? 5 years? 10? 20?

I don’t know.

And that kills me.

I like being in control. I like knowing what the future holds. 20 years of school was easy. Kindergarten to 12^th grade, freshman year to graduating Cum Laude at Samford. Being a “first year” to graduating with a Masters of Divinity at McAfee. One year led to the next. One grade to the next. One degree to the next. Summer break to Christmas break to summer break again.

But after McAfee what happens? What about the future, who knows? I have no clue. Will I stay in the Atlanta/Tucker area? Will I move? I have submitted résumés. I have explored options. I have prayed for an answer. I have Googled and MapQuested. What’s next?

What’s next? I don’t know. I wish it were easy.

It is.

“Not my will, but yours be done.”

Psalm 139 Paraphrase

For my Ministry with Youth class, we were asked to write a paraphrase of Psalm 139 for teenagers. My partner and I decided to write it as if it were intended for a teenager struggling to find his/her own way. As I reread it, I realized that all of us are "finding our way" so I in turn was writing this for me.

Psalm 139 Paraphrase

God, you know all about me: you know every moment of my day. You know everything I think, before I think it. You know when I am heading down the right path, and when I am following “the crowd.” You know EVERYTHING. Before I sing a song, before I cuss, before I scream, before I whisper, before I gossip, before I say anything you know what I am going to say. You are always with me, and even when I am a “bad kid” you are there with me: in front of me, behind me, beside me, above me, and within me. I don’t know why you know all these things and still love me.

I can’t go anywhere where you are not already there. You are waiting for me in heaven and you are here on earth. Even if I travel far away, you are with me; when I run away from home and when I run with the wrong crowd, you are there. The night is not dark to you, even when I feel closed in. Even in my darkness, your light shines.

You know everything about me, from what can be seen by the world, and what I hide in my heart. You knew me before I was conceived in my mother. I offer the best praise to you because you created me with perfect precision. With precision you created me in your image: you wanted me to be perfect. Your thoughts are so far above me and I will never understand all that you know or how you know it, but you still think about me. You still think about me!

God, you know all things and you have known me from the beginning, but I ask that you sift me and know even my deep dark secrets. There is so much bad in me, but you still desire good for me. Lead me in your ways.

Give me Jesus

I sit here alone in the MAC (Mercer Atlanta Cafeteria) reading for my preaching class. I had 9 hours of class. I am tired. I am ready to be home to play with dog and then in get in my bed. But, as I sit, weary, worn out, not wanting to be sitting on an uncomfortable chair by myself. I plugged in my headphones to listen my computer to the Mt Hermon Baptist Church Adult Choir (my mom's former church choir). "Give me Jesus" played. I have heard this song 100 times and the simple promise rang through, "you can have all this world, but give me Jesus." This song, with its simple, yet powerful lyrics, can move people. But what really moved me was the way my mom conducted the choir and pulled them through tension into a promise of peace. The unison parts speak of a great and powerful united body of Christ longing daily for the grace and love of Jesus. Out of one voice comes a flowering beauty in the music. All through life give me Jesus. At the end of life, it is with a triumphal voice that shouts to the world "GIVE ME JESUS!"

I am eternally grateful to my mom! She knows the right way to allow God's words to whisper through the quiet phrases of a piece of music with the perfect amount of grace. She knows how to conduct the crescendos and fermatas so that the power of musical harmonies shine through expressing with great power the exclamations of the music. She taught me to love music and the power in what is played and sung. Moreover, my parents taught me to love Jesus Christ with my whole being and at all times. When I rise, when I am alone, just before the break of day, and even when I come to die..."Give me Jesus."